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Steven Wright

"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"

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"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"

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Asa Don Brown

"I bought an espresso maker and coffee maker and make them myself every day."

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"Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep."

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Asa Don Brown

"The Monmouth Coffee Shop is the best place in London."

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"I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up."

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Asa Don Brown

"Natalie's estate is handled by Global Icons, and they police the world so her picture isn't on a T-shirt or coffee cup unless we approve of it."

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Asa Don Brown

"Coffee and cigarettes, that's one of my weaknesses."

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Asa Don Brown

"Coffee on an airplane always smells bad. Whenever it is served, suddenly the whole cabin stinks of it."

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Asa Don Brown

"When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."

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Asa Don Brown

"I like my coffee light."

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Asa Don Brown

"Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?"

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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
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"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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