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"If that's the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake," Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, "I'm all for fighting tyranny and oppression."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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"Love, like Fortune, favours the bold."
Love

"The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible."
Life

"No more can this Angel teach her,Yet, this guiding wing shall not forsake ..."
Spiritual

"Abortion should be listed as a weapon of mass destruction against the voiceless."
Activism

"Have you ever felt you were born in the wrong decade, or came just a bit too late and missed out on all the good stuff when it was in its heyday?"
Life

"An acquaintance merely enjoys your company, a fair-weather companion flatters when all is well, a true friend has your best interests at heart and the pluck to tell you what you need to hear."
Friendship

"No one messes around with a nerd's computer and escapes unscathed."
Humor

"A mask you ask? Optional I find!Masks lend appeal of a mysterious kind."
Lifestyle

"If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling."
Happiness

"I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive."
Life
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