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"We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born."
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"Good-looking people with strong, fluoridated teeth get things handed to them on platters."

"With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless."

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."

"Many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."

"I'm not sure whay I've been drawn to this subject, except that murder is a subject that has always drawn people for as long as people have been telling stories."
Explore more quotes by Robert Benchley


"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."


"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."


"We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on."


"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony."


"The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon."


"There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that."


"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."


"Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off."


"For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting."
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