"There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker."

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."

"Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use."

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

"Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational."

"I love mankind; it's people I can't stand."

"You're a good man, Charlie Brown."

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"

"A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope."

"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another."

"Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life."

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?"

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia."

"Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time."

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it."

"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. If makes it feel needed."

"Aunt Marion was right... Never marry a musician, and never answer the door."

"Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your life is more interesting than it really is."

"If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself."