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"When turkeys mate they think of swans."

Johnny Carson, American Comedian

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"When turkeys mate they think of swans."

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"Swans sing before they die - 'twere no bad thing should certain persons die before they sing."

Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English Poet

"When turkeys mate they think of swans."

Johnny Carson, American Comedian

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"Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."

"For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off."

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"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."

"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."

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