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"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"
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Personal Development
"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."
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Personal Development
"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"
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Personal Development
"If we loved Steve Aylett, really loved him in the way that he deserves, a selfless love that genuinely wanted nothing save his happiness and comfort, we'd lobotomise him."
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Personal Development
"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."
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Personal Development
"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."
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Personal Development
"I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple."
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Personal Development
"What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispered, "You're about to find out how your liver tastes, my friend."I have tasted it already, Zacharel said, his voice its usual monotone. The snowflakes began to fall in earnest, tiny at first, but growing in diameter. An arctic wind blustered around him. "It was a bit salty.How the hell was a guy supposed to respond to that?Apparently William didn't know, either, because he gaped at the angel. Then, "Maybe if you added a little pepper?O-kay. It was official. William had an answer for everything."
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Personal Development
"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."
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Personal Development
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"Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars."
Love
"Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air."
Humor
"Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts."
Desire
"He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated."
Humor
"There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate."
Conflict
"Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack."
Dating
"It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while."
Brotherhood
"Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes."
Companionship
"I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on."
Defiance
"Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me."
Money
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