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"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."
Humor
"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
Wisdom
"To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
Attitude
"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."
Humor
"Andy Warhol made fame more famous."
Creativity
"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"
Humor
"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."
Luck
"You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do."
Attitude
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
Nature
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."
Generosity
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