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Mitch Hedberg

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

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"That most limited of all specialists, the "well-rounded man"."

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"The world system is employment."

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"A butler supplies food to nourish your body, but a writer nourishes your mind through writing."

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"Do not be weary to make money."

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"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."

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"Work was intended not to give a man a reason to live, but rather to give him a means to live."

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"Be robust enough to work more than a robot!"

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"Being happy at work is possible for all of us, anytime & anywhere, with open eyes and a caring heart."

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"Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work."

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Donna Grant

"Do all the work you while you still have strength."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
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Mitch Hedberg
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
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Mitch Hedberg
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
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