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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
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"With Fellini, the fear dropped out of my work because it was such a happy experience... hanging out with Fellini, having pasta on the set with Fellini, and going out with Fellini!"
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Personal Development
"I really do hope that the Millennium Summit gives new impetus to the work of the United Nations."
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Personal Development
"If you can find your perfect job, create one."
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Personal Development
"Salary is the currency that is gotten from mortgaging your life and time."
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Personal Development
"Anytime we can take narcotics off the street it is significant because it takes them out of the hands of children. It certainly is not going to stop the drug problem, we have to work very, very hard."
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Personal Development
"Give a typical employee a million, and, he is most likely to use the money to print his CV on fancier paper."
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Personal Development
"For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work."
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Personal Development
"I admire Bruce Springsteen because he's a heroic person who has lots of integrity and has this incredible body of work that is so vital."
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Personal Development
"The artist likes to seem totally responsible for his work. Often he begins to explain it, to make it appear as if it were a reasonable process."
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Personal Development
"Working overtime is an underpaid man's salvation."
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"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
Sister
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
People
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
Life
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Plants
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Girlfriend
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Tennis
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
Funny
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
Now
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Cause
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Order
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