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Phyllis Diller

"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once."

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"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once."

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Asa Don Brown

"I've not seen in my lifetime any politician who is a heroic figure. The manipulation that all politicians use on one level or another is so transparent."

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"Nixon's grand mistake was his failure to understand that Americans are forgiving, and if he had admitted error early and apologized to the country, he would have escaped."

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Asa Don Brown

"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none."

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"A mistake is a stepping stone to success."

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"You're not the only one who's made mistakes, but they're the only things that you can truly call your own."

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"No mistake is more common and more fatuous than appealing to logic in cases which are beyond her jurisdiction."

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Asa Don Brown

"Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them."

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Asa Don Brown

"We only acknowledge small faults in order to make it appear that we are free from great ones."

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"Quarrels would not last long if the fault was only on one side."

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Asa Don Brown

"So many times it seemed like there were chances to stop things before they started. Or even stop them in midstream. But it was even worse when you knew in that very moment that there was still time to save yourself, and yet you couldn't even budge."

Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."
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Phyllis Diller
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
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Phyllis Diller
"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."
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Phyllis Diller
"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
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Phyllis Diller
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
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Phyllis Diller
"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
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Phyllis Diller
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
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Phyllis Diller
"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
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Phyllis Diller
"I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?"
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Phyllis Diller
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
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