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"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
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"I don't very often think I've done a good job. I don't like the majority of what I do. I shouldn't say I don't like it, but I'm not satisfied with almost everything that I do."

"One of the greatest challenges in collecting child support is that deadbeat dads move from job to job and state to state. it's hard to keep track of them."

"The pencil of the Holy Ghost hath labored more in describing the afflictions of Job than the felicities of Solomon."
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"When his nomination comes before the United States Senate, Timothy Batten can count on my strong support... He is the right person for the job."
Explore more quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

"I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument."

"If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck."

"I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points."

"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."

"Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip."

"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."

"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."
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