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"President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader."
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"I was on the state board of directors of the American Civil Liberties Union."

"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value."

"Dick Moss, my agent. Dick became my agent in 1979 when I signed my contract with the Houston Astros."

"The Beatles and The Stones were basically inspired by American Rhythm and Blues."

"In spite of the polls, the fact is that American Muslims are very happy and they thrive in this country."

"I have made more friends for American culture than the State Department. Certainly I have made fewer enemies, but that isn't very difficult."
Explore more quotes by Jon Stewart

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is."

"I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over."

"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."

"The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him."

"Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?"

"I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'"
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