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"Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree."
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"Sometimes I have believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
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Personal Development
"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."
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Personal Development
"Only by living absurdly is it possible to break out of this infinite absurdity."
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Personal Development
"All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental."
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Personal Development
"Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I turned to my own bunk and examined it with a kind of appalled fascination. If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it. He had evidently included the pillow in his celebrations."
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Personal Development
"What's with the serum?"I don't know, but it sounds ominous. We better put a telepathic direction finder on Benway. The man's not to be trusted. Might do almost anything...Turn a massacre into a sex orgy..."Or a joke."Precisely. Arty type...No principles..."
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Personal Development
"It doesn't matter if Prince Charles falls off his horseor that the hummingbird is so seldomseenor that we are too senseless to goinsane.coffee. give us more of that NOTHINGcoffee."
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Personal Development
"Don't worry, goat boy. The milkman is dead."
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Personal Development
"Felix believed that the answer to every problem involved penguins; but it wasn't fair to birds, and I was getting tired of teleporting them back home. Somewhere in Antarctica, a whole flock of Magellanic penguins were undergoing psychotherapy."
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"It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood."
Honesty
"Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass."
Consequences
"A wedding is no way to begin a marriage."
Time
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."
Irony
"Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops."
Irony
"When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all."
Aging
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot."
Insult
"In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses."
Creation
"Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's."
Envy
"Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars."
Love
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