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"Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree."
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"Sharks to not eat Chinese people because they get hungry thirty minutes later."
"Destruction was calm, almost content- would he next break out in song like a Disney princess?"
"You know how spooky Ashwini is. She called an hour ago to tell me she has a secret stash of handheld grenade launchers she thought I might want to know about. My response was, 'What the fuck?"
"He was dead. However, his nose throbbed painfully, which he thought odd in the circumstances."
"It doesn't matter if Prince Charles falls off his horseor that the hummingbird is so seldomseenor that we are too senseless to goinsane.coffee. give us more of that NOTHINGcoffee."
"I turned to my own bunk and examined it with a kind of appalled fascination. If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it. He had evidently included the pillow in his celebrations."
"He's got a can up there,' Richard said."
Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman
"Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores."
"Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well."
"And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever."
"Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head."
"Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously."
"He looked from His heavens and saw it was good, the toes and the crows all looked like they should. The bunny was quick, the finch bright as a daisy, the owl flew at night, and the tortoise was lazy."
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