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Jay Leno

"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."

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"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."

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Asa Don Brown

"God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"An omnipotent God is the only being with no reason to lie."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Small amounts of philosophy lead to atheism, but larger amounts bring us back to God."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"The reader becomes God, for all textual purposes. I see your eyes glazing over, so I'll hush."

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Asa Don Brown

"It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Charity never humiliated him who profited from it, nor ever bound him by the chains of gratitude, since it was not to him but to God that the gift was made."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"God's dice always have a lucky roll."

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Asa Don Brown

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

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Jay Leno
"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most."

People

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Jay Leno
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

Men

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Jay Leno
"You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch."

War

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Jay Leno
"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

Men

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Jay Leno
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."

Want

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Jay Leno
"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."

God

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Jay Leno
"According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it."

Money

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Jay Leno
"Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner."

Hope

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Jay Leno
"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."

War

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Jay Leno
"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."

Life

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