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"In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath."
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"John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."
Control
"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
President
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
Party
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
Controversy
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
First
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Exhaustion
"If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice."
Life
"In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath."
Man
"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."
Elections
"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
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"Charm, in most men and nearly all women, is a decoration."
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Personal Development
"No men are oftener wrong than those that can least bear to be so."
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Personal Development
"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything."
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Personal Development
"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them."
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Personal Development
"Literature is strewn with the wreckage of men who have minded beyond reason the opinions of others."
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Personal Development
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
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Personal Development
"Many men are contemptuous of riches; few can give them away."
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Personal Development
"Genius: the superhuman in man."
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Personal Development
"Ignorant men raise questions that wise men answered a thousand years ago."
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Personal Development
"Men exist for the sake of one another."
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Personal Development
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