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"I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those."
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Exlpore more Relationship quotes
"Lovers look in the pants, they look in the eyes."
"Polygamy is about sex, whereas monogamy is about love."
"She had accepted him as he was and had spared him a great deal of loneliness. He had been unfair: while his imagination and vanity had given her too much importance, his pride had given her too little. He discovered the cruel paradox by which we always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."
"You love her for a life time and still you are a stranger."
"Your Temporary Santa, "He says presents aren't important, but I think they are- not because of how much they cost, but for the opportunity they provide to say 'I understand you."
"Your relationship with God has to be alive: Learn to be His child."
"Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not f*ck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."
"It was like being leaned on by a very heavy, warm brick. A sexy brick."
"I know this is your hand now,' she tells him. "Roland would have never touched me like that." Connor smiles, and Risa takes a moment to look down at the shark on his wrist. It holds no fear for her now, because the shark has been tamed by the soul of a boy. No- the soul of a man."
"Good lovers are not good fuckers, because they cannot bear hurting their beloved."
Explore more quotes by David Spade
"You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun."
"In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends."
"There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all."
"It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it."
"Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'"
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