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"The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born."
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"A mother is the most important blessing of your life."
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Personal Development
"The longest tenured First LOVE and Greatest TEACHER, in-fact life long, is none the other, but Mother."
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Personal Development
"We never got anything out of the recordings. I'm still as broke as I was when I was with the Mothers."
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Personal Development
"I think a lot of the Mothers stuff that we recorded was written while we were on the road."
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Personal Development
"I don't know how Frank presented the old Mothers, since I never read the book. There might be some opinions on what he said, but I - or anyone else - could not make any corrections to anything Frank did."
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Personal Development
"I had this whole ritual with my mother making the bed with me inside it so I would be invisible."
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Personal Development
"Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel."
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Personal Development
"When I was 5, my mother threw a party, and a friend and I wrote and performed a play called The Dutch Doll."
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Personal Development
"I didn't grow up with my mother, and so losing her for real was like, some sort of latent childhood, some sort of unresolved issue. When she left for real, it was sort of like, I was done."
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Personal Development
"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"
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"To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy."
Comedy
"The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born."
Mother
"Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?"
Party
"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."
Men
"When the sun comes up, I have morals again."
Morals
"You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot."
Man
"I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body."
Body
"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."
People
"My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions."
Men
"Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?"
Money
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