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Christopher Moore

"Love: the sickest of Irony's sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die."

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"Love: the sickest of Irony's sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die."

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Amber Hurdle

"Then I glanced at the ring on my finger.The Snake That Eats Its Own Tail, Forever and Ever. I know where I came from-but where did all you zombies come from?I felt a headache coming on, but a headache powder is one thing I do not take. I did once-and you all went away.So I crawled into bed and whistled out the light.You aren't really there at all. There isn't anybody but me-Jane-here alone in the dark.I miss you dreadfully!"

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Amber Hurdle

"Smartass Disciple: Please teach me about the truth, master.Master of Stupidity: Hmmm...tell me about your sexperience!"

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Amber Hurdle

"The rule is jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today."

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Amber Hurdle

"What a paradox it is, the sane causes more problems than the insane! It is! The real problems of the world do not come from the insane but, the sane!"

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Amber Hurdle

"I'm alive but I have no life. I'm alive but also dead. I'm dead and alive."

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Amber Hurdle

"It appears to me that one defeats God precisely by not trying to stand above God, but on the contrary by using God's own existence against God."

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Amber Hurdle

"GOD is foolishness and GOD is wisdom all at the same time."

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Amber Hurdle

"At least I'm honest about being a liar."

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Amber Hurdle

"Light makes shadow. Truth makes lies."

Explore more quotes by Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
"Lucien, women are wondrous, mysterious, and magical creatures, who should be treated not only with respect but with reverence, perhaps even awe. Now go sweep the steps."
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Christopher Moore
"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...."
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Christopher Moore
"Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates."
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Christopher Moore
"On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire."
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Christopher Moore
"It was the sound of a thousand hungry children crying, ten thousand widows tearing their hair over their husband's graves, a chorus of angels singing the last dirge on the day of God's death."
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Christopher Moore
"My fans have great senses of humor and eat too much chocolate."
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Christopher Moore
"It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death."
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Christopher Moore
"And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand?"
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Christopher Moore
"You sure about this writer thing son?"
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Christopher Moore
"One day I was telling him that I thought that cars had replaced guns as phallic symbols for American men, and I thought it was interesting that he had one that was so small and fast. The next day he gave me the Datsun and went out and bought a Lincoln."
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