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"Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen."
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"Vanity was the beginning and the end of Sir Walter Elliot's character; vanity of person and of situation. He had been remarkably handsome in his youth; and, at fifty-four, was still a very fine man. Few women could think more of their personal appearance than he did; nor could the valet of any new-made lord be more delighted with the place he held in society. He considered the blessing of beauty as inferior only to the blessing of a baronetcy; and the Sir Walter Elliot, who united these gifts, was the constant object of his warmest respect and devotion."
"They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting."
"The greatest crime in human history was not the creation of the armaments of warfare and destruction of life, but the invention of hand mirror, which enticed humankind to peer at their surface appearance instead of seeking spiritual salvation. Prior to the invention of the mirror, people saw themselves through other people's eyes or by looking deep within themselves."
"I don't really lift weights. It's kind of a vanity thing that I don't get into."
Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce
"Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors."
"Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."
"Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others."
"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt."
"Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white."
"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."
"Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."
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