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"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
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"I only am in this business because I enjoy it. I think that is the only way to be in the business."

"Make something people want and sell that, or be someone people need and sell you."

"Part of your heritage in this society is the opportunity to become financially independent."

"The greatest ability in business is to get along with others and to influence their actions."

"When steam first began to pump and wheels go round at so many revolutions per minute, what are called business habits were intended to make the life of man run in harmony with the steam engine, and his movement rival the train in punctuality."

"The nonessential employees, the type of workers whom remain at home when it snows, are the quickest to complain about how the talented persons of an organization behave."
Explore more quotes by David Letterman

"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"

"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."

"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."

"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."

"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."

"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
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