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"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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"True friendship is a house where we can take off our masks."
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Personal Development
"To lose a worthless friend is worthy of a testimony."
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Personal Development
"A true friend is a reflection of yourself."
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Personal Development
"Good fences make good neighbors, and these were apparently good enough that they had not felt the need for razor wire at the top. I crested the fence, threw myself into the yard beyond, fell, rolled to my feet, and ran with the expectation of being garroted by a taut clothesline.I heard panting, looked down, and saw a gold retriever running at my side, ears flapping. The dog glanced up at me tongue rolling, grinning, as though jazzed by the prospect of an unscheduled play session."
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Personal Development
"I to myself am dearer than a friend."
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Personal Development
"One friend in a storm is worth more than a thousand friends in sunshine."
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Personal Development
"A friend is someone who will always be there for you, in good and hard times."
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Personal Development
"Maybe Lindsay and I are best friends and we hate each other, both. Maybe I'm only one math class away from being a slut like Anna Cartullo. Maybe I am like her, deep down. Maybe we all are: just one lunch period away from eating alone in the bathroom. I wonder if it's ever really possible to know the truth about someone else, or if the best we can do is just stumble into each other, heads down, hoping to avoid collision."
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Personal Development
"Don't appreciate me, I'm not up to it. Don't criticize me, I don't deserve it. Just be my friend and forgive me, because I am craving for it."
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Personal Development
"If you fulfill God's will, then God will always be your friend."
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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
Argument
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Rest
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
Washington
"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
Ocean
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