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"You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun."
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"It's fun to sing sad songs. And it's fun to listen to sad songs. Enjoyable. Satisfying. Something."

"Frozen yogurt is tastier than ice cream; nobody is too old for cartoons; bald men are sexy; chocolate is the best medicine; BIG books are better; cats secretly rule the planet; and everything should be available in the color pink, including monster trucks."

"Tell me that the purpose of life is to have fun, and without a care in the world I'll begin wreaking havoc on everything I pass. Now that's what I call pure, honest fun."

"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."
Explore more quotes by David Spade

"There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all."

"I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those."

"I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder."

"It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it."

"In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends."
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