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"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
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Exlpore more Girlfriend quotes
"We're getting ready to take over the world. My group of girlfriends - we're renegades."
"If you've got Mystique as your girlfriend the fun you could have in bed - I've just imagined X-Men 3 might open with me in bed with Patrick Stewart."
"I studied German at school. I lived in Berlin for two years and had a German girlfriend for five years, so I don't find speaking German particularly difficult. Singing was slightly more difficult."
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
"I couldn't feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can't even pay her heating bill. I'd feel foul and I'd be embarrassed."
"Appearance is something you should definitely consider when you're going out. Have your girlfriend clip your nails or something like that."
"Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me."
"When we meet, I'm interested and I'm curious about what he's doing because he's burning a number from a client. And I'm like, 'Who is this?' and my girlfriend's like, 'That's a drug dealer. Stay away from him.'"
"Directors are never in short supply of girlfriends."
"I have 20,000 girlfriends, all around the world."
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
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