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"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
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"Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD."
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Personal Development
"My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings."
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Personal Development
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible."
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Personal Development
"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
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Personal Development
"Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who's sending me a slant board."
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Personal Development
"I have 20,000 girlfriends, all around the world."
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Personal Development
"I like being scared every now and then, I like the suspense and the thrills. Nothing like taking a girlfriend to a movie and holding her hand while she jumps."
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Personal Development
"I couldn't feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can't even pay her heating bill. I'd feel foul and I'd be embarrassed."
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Personal Development
"When I was nine, I had this girlfriend and we used to have running races in the park. I wanted to be like Superman and fly in and rescue her."
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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
Argument
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Rest
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
Washington
"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
Ocean
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
Girlfriend
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time
"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
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