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Steven Wright

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""

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"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""

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Asa Don Brown

"If you don't have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don't go looking for someone. When it's right, they'll come to you."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who's sending me a slant board."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""

Author Name

Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"My girlfriend and I rented a nice house on the river and I was there for about two and a half months, and we were just out of Alabama. I hardly got to see Alabama."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Appearance is something you should definitely consider when you're going out. Have your girlfriend clip your nails or something like that."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"If you've got Mystique as your girlfriend the fun you could have in bed - I've just imagined X-Men 3 might open with me in bed with Patrick Stewart."

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Asa Don Brown

"Steadman! Any guy that's got Oprah as a girlfriend, I mean that's a good dude. I want to talk to him."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."

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Asa Don Brown

"Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

Now

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Steven Wright
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."

Advertising

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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

People

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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."

Thought

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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Car

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Steven Wright
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."

Future

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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

Purpose

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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Car

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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

Friendship

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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

Time

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