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"Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands."
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"If possible, try to avoid pushing each other over the edge, as that would cause me extra paperwork."
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Personal Development
"It's no accident that in a bureaucracy getting fired is called 'termination,' as in ontological erasure."
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Personal Development
"It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money."
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Personal Development
"But in Africa bureaucrats are usually too proud to accept a bribe, something I admire when I'm not the one being arrested."
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Personal Development
"Now, come over here so I can pat you down.""But you don't have-" Percy stopped. "Uh, sure."He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down."You seem to be clean," Terminus decided. "Do you have anything to declare?""Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid."
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Personal Development
"Twenty-first century medicine must not be confined to a twentieth-century bureaucracy."
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Personal Development
"Bureaucracy, the rule of no one, has become the modern form of despotism."
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Personal Development
"Americans spend 3 billion hours per year filling out tax forms and keeping tax records."
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Personal Development
"Big Government' is a lot less like a 'Big Brother', and a lot more like a mother-in-law."
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Personal Development
"Nobody likes having a problem, but having a convoluted, bureaucratic one is even more galling."
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Personal Development
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"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."
Humor
"A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system."
Health
"There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate."
Conflict
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."
Irony
"The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts."
Perspective
"Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after."
Heartbreak
"It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine."
Independence
"I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet."
Peace
"Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance."
Logic
"It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood."
Honesty
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