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Benjamin Alire Saenz

"I wished it was raining,' he said.'I don't need the rain,' I said. 'I need you."

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"I wished it was raining,' he said.'I don't need the rain,' I said. 'I need you."

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Amber Hurdle

"For every man there is a deep longing."

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Amber Hurdle

"Hence the end of the world should be awaited with all longing by all believers."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you come as softlyAs wind within the treesYou may hear what I hearSee what sorrow sees.If you come as lightlyAs threading dewI will take you gladlyNor ask more of you.You may sit beside meSilent as a breathOnly those who stay deadShall remember death.And if you come I will be silentNor speak harsh words to you.I will not ask you why, now.Or how, or what you do.We shall sit here, softlyBeneath two different yearsAnd the rich earth between usShall drink our tears."

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Amber Hurdle

"[She was] a creature full of eager, passionate longings for all that was beautiful and glad; thirsty for all knowledge; with an ear straining after dreamy music that died away and would not come near to her; with a blind unconscious yearning for something that would link together the wonderful impressions of this mysterious life, and give her soul a sense of home in it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Last night he kept the vigil alone. He lay awake, wishing Liz back; waiting for her to come and lie beside him. It's true he is at Esher with the cardinal, not at home at the Austin Friars. But, he thought, she'll know how to find me. She'll look for the cardinal, drawn through the space between worlds by incense and candlelight. Whereever the cardinal is, I will be."

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Amber Hurdle

"Ah, it's my longing for whom I might have been that distracts and torments me!"

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Amber Hurdle

"He wanted to take his love back from her so badly. The old techniques didn't work anymore. In fact, they'd never worked. How do you stop loving someone? It was one of the world's more brutal mysteries. The more you tried, the less it worked."

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Amber Hurdle

"Can you still want something you already have? Absolutely. Everyday."

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Amber Hurdle

"You know how this is:if I lookat the crystal moon, at the red branchof the slow autumn at my window,if I touchnear the firethe impalpable ashor the wrinkled body of the log,everything carries me to you,as if everything that exists,aromas, light, metals,were little boatsthat sailtoward those isles of yours that wait for me."

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Amber Hurdle

"I think it takes an amazing amount of energy to convince oneself that the Forever Person isn't just around the corner. In the end I believe we never do convince ourselves. I know that I found it increasingly hard to maintain the pose of emotional self-sufficiency lying on my bed and sitting at my desk, watching the gulls cartwheeling in the clouds over the bridges, cradling myself in my own arms, breathing warm chocolate-and-vodka breath on a rose I had found on a street corner, trying to force it to bloom."

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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"Summer was a book of hope. That's why I loved and hated summers. Because they made me want to believe."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"I wanted to buy a T-shirt that read: I AM UNKNOWABLE."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"I wondered what it would be like, to love a girl, to know how a girl thinks, to see the world through a girl's eyes. Maybe they knew more than boys. Maybe they understood things that boys could never understand."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"I thought masturbating was embarassing. I didn't even know why. It just was. It was like having sex with yourself. Having sex with yourself was really weird. Autoeroticism."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"I thought of what my mom had said. 'You talk like a man.' It was easier to talk like a man than to be one."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"Maybe all that silence about my brother did something to me. I think it did. Not talking can make a guy pretty lonely."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"Rafael?Yeah?Do we all have monsters?Yes.Why does God give us so many monsters?You want to know my theory?Sure.I think it's other people who give us monsters. Maybe God doesn't have anything to do with it."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"One of my roommates, Rafael, he's an expert on monsters. Not that he talks about them. I can just tell. People who have monsters recognize each other. They know each other without even saying a word."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"When I walked into the house, I went in search of one of my dad's bottles. Not that they were that hard to find. He hid bottles all over the house. I knew where they all were. That was one of my hobbies, finding where my dad hid his bottles. It was my version of looking for Easter eggs. In my house, Easter lasted forever."
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Benjamin Alire Saenz
"I'd rather have a cup of coffee and a cigarette than live in all that honesty."
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