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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs."
Home
"I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is "In 15 minutes everybody will be famous.""
Famous
"Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?"
Change
"I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say "figment.""
Thought
"Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art. Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art."
Art
"I'm afraid that if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of its meaning."
Meaning
"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible."
Humor
"Don't pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches."
Attention
"During the 1960s, I think, people forgot what emotions were supposed to be. And I don't think they've ever remembered."
People
"Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details."
Care
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