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"Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."
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"It is almost always a fault of one who loves not to realize when he ceases to be loved."

"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error."

"Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them."

"You look like gold. I've been fooled before, but now I know I've made the mistake in the past. But now I, now I know the difference from gold and brass."

"And learn that when you do make a mistake, you'll surface that mistake so you can get it corrected, rather than trying to hide it and bury it, and it becomes a much bigger mistake, and maybe a fatal mistake."
Explore more quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.""

"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."

"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
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