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"Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own."
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"If I'd known how old I was going to be I'd have taken better care of myself."

"The whole house came up and I came up with it... I was just praying to the Lord to take care of me."
Care,

"We are all vegetarians here, and except for a mountain lion that's been hanging around and killed our dog, we don't have a care in the world."

"You promised to take care of me and not to turn your back on me. How is it possible that you never wrote to me even once and you never came back to see me? Do you think that it is fun for me to spend months, even years, without any news, without any hope!"
Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce

"Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due."

"Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking."

"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

"I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats."

"Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain."

"Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table."
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