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"The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves."
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"Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life."
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Personal Development
"Your complete intelligence is designed to experience the fullness of life, not a narrow omission of its best possibilities."
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Personal Development
"Most unintelligent or foolish people do not regard themselves as that, they regard themselves as not-that-intelligent or not-that-wise."
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Personal Development
"Dyslexia is the affliction of a frozen genius."
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Personal Development
"Intelligence without wisdom is nothing more than stupidity that looks smart."
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Personal Development
"Intelligence is dangerous. Intelligence means you will start thinking for yourself."
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Personal Development
"You looked a little bit smarter when your stupidity lessened a lot."
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Personal Development
"It is not that men become too intelligent for God,' says the Apologist, 'but rather they become too arrogant for intelligence."
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Personal Development
"If you want to find wilier race by common sense, then you have just narrowed your searching area."
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Personal Development
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence."
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"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
Experts
"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger."
Importance
"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral."
Debate
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
Change
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
Old
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
God
"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."
Home
"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."
Apology
"There is no off position on the genius switch."
Genius
"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
Gay
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