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"You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage."
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"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."

"We need to be around our families not because we have so many shared experiences to talk about, but instead because they know precisely which subjects to avoid."
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"By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live."


"I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing."


"Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it."


"It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it."


"And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school."
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