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"For someone named Alice, you're really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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"Because trying to think of how to ask a woman you've known for exactly two days if she'd be willing to get into a car with you and take a road trip across the country was something I hadn't quite worked up to yet."
Hesitation
"Well, you played me, Rabbit. You played me, and it worked, and I'm not the kind of person to make the same mistake twice. Your whole life is a game, but you know what? I already have a life. Poker's nothing to me but a goddamn deck of cards."
Detachment
"Are you referring to the day you instructed me to 'follow the white rabbit,' plied me with absinthe and brownies, and tried to have your way with me? Didn't take long for you to lose your romantic streak, did it?"
Embarrassment
"I'll get you and your little dog too?' You say your girl can't pay me back? Believe me when I say that that little gift's just gonna keep right on giving."
Humor
"How do you tactfully spin the term "man-whore to someone's sister?"
Social
"Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I'd feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it."
Purpose
"For someone named Alice, you're really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia."
Humor
"You're in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you're asking 'why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS."
Nature
"Well then, I guess I'm man enough to admit that I'm trying to get in touch with my inner bitch."
Humor
"You can donate marrow for her, Alice Faye, you can't cure her. You can win a poker tournament, but that won't make her want to live. So I'll ask you again: Who are you, and what are you doing here? Because Munny sure doesn't want you to be her, and she wants someone to be out in the world living since she's got the market cornered on dying right now."
Philosophy
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