"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."

People, Compliment, Name

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"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."

Exlpore more People quotes

"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."

F. Scott Fitzgerald, American Author

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"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."

Victor Hugo, French Author

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"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

Samuel Johnson, English Author

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"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."

Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French Writer

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"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."

Jane Austen, British Writer

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"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."

Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French Writer

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"Some people break promises for the pleasure of breaking them."

William Hazlitt, English Critic

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"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."

Dean Koontz, American Author

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"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

Work, Mortality, Pretty

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

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"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."

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"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

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"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

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"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."

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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."

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"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."

Funny, Jokes

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

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"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"

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