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"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
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"The people who are absent are the ideal; those who are present seem to be quite commonplace."
"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."
"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."
"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."
"Whatever good things people say of us, they tell us nothing new."
"We don't get to know people when they come to us; we must go to them to find out what they are like."
"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
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