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"Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen."
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"John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."
Control

"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
President

"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
Party

"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
Controversy

"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
First

"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Exhaustion

"If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice."
Life

"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
Popular

"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
People

"In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have."
Cure
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"Keep the first date brief, short, sweet and simple and they'll come back to you."
Author Name
Personal Development

"You know, I had my mother and my father convincing me that he would be going back to Hollywood and he'd be back with the actresses and dating them and that he wasn't serious about me at all. So I had him saying one thing to me and my parents telling me something else."
Author Name
Personal Development

"At the time that I knew them, they were not living together. They began dating again after their divorce, so I didn't really see fighting."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?"
Author Name
Personal Development

"People say, 'Just say who you're dating. Then people will stop being so ravenous about it.' It's like, No they won't! They'll ask for specifics."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I can't imagine dating a boy, meeting him only outside the home. What's a home and family for if it's not the center of one's life?"
Author Name
Personal Development

"I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It's needing people who understand your work schedule."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I can't wait for my little sisters to start dating, because it will really be fun to pick on their boyfriends."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I'm not cynical about marriage or romance. I enjoyed being married. And although being single was fun for a while, there was always the risk of dating someone who'd owned a lunch box with my picture on it."
Author Name
Personal Development
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