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Erma Bombeck

"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."

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"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."

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Asa Don Brown

"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."

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"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

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"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

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Asa Don Brown

"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."

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Asa Don Brown

"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."

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Asa Don Brown

"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."

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Asa Don Brown

"I have a need to make these sorts of connections literal sometimes, and a vehicle often helps to do that. I have a relationship to car culture. It isn't really about loving cars. It's sort of about needing them."

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Asa Don Brown

"I remember things that happened sixty years ago, but if you ask me where I left my car keys five minutes ago, that's sometimes a problem."

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Asa Don Brown

"I am so sick of reading about another car bomb, another suicide bomber, another 10, 20, 30, 70, 100 people dead in a day, both Americans and Iraqis."

Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
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Erma Bombeck
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
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Erma Bombeck
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
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Erma Bombeck
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
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Erma Bombeck
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
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Erma Bombeck
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
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Erma Bombeck
"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
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Erma Bombeck
"Children make your life important."
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Erma Bombeck
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
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