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"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
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"I hate fishing, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hike when you can get in the car and drive."

"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."

"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."

"The American Dream has run out of gas. The car has stopped. It no longer supplies the world with its images, its dreams, its fantasies. No more. It's over. It supplies the world with its nightmares now: the Kennedy assassination, Watergate, Vietnam."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."


"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."


"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"


"No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick."


"All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them."
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