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"I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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"Tact is one of the first mental virtues, the absence of it is fatal to the best talent."
Talent
"Not in sorrow freely is never to open the bosom to the sweets of the sunshine."
Grief
"The only true source of politeness is consideration."
Courtesy
"No errors of opinion can possibly be dangerous in a country where opinion is left free to grapple with them."
Nation
"Genius is the very eye of intellect and the wing of thought; it is always in advance of its time, and is the pioneer for the generation which it precedes."
Time
"He who would acquire fame must not show himself afraid of censure. The dread of censure is the death of genius."
Death
"The dread of criticism is the death of genius."
Death
"Most men remember obligations, but are not often likely to be grateful; the proud are made sour by the remembrance and the vain silent."
Man
"I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor."
Humor
"Tears are the natural penalties of pleasure. It is a law that we should pay for all that we enjoy."
Law
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