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"I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor."
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"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."
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Personal Development
"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."
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Personal Development
"Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals."
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Personal Development
"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."
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"He who would acquire fame must not show himself afraid of censure. The dread of censure is the death of genius."
Death
"Not in sorrow freely is never to open the bosom to the sweets of the sunshine."
Grief
"Neither praise or blame is the object of true criticism. Justly to discriminate, firmly to establish, wisely to prescribe, and honestly to award. These are the true aims and duties of criticism."
Blame
"Most men remember obligations, but are not often likely to be grateful; the proud are made sour by the remembrance and the vain silent."
Man
"The dread of criticism is the death of genius."
Death
"I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor."
Humor
"The only true source of politeness is consideration."
Courtesy
"Tears are the natural penalties of pleasure. It is a law that we should pay for all that we enjoy."
Law
"No errors of opinion can possibly be dangerous in a country where opinion is left free to grapple with them."
Nation
"Genius is the very eye of intellect and the wing of thought; it is always in advance of its time, and is the pioneer for the generation which it precedes."
Time
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