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"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."
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"I was born and raised in China, and my parents were missionaries."
"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."
"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
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