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P. G. Wodehouse

"One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-natured, a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead, frequently going to the length of hanging out crAape and instructing its friends to gather round and say what a pity it all is."

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"One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-natured, a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead, frequently going to the length of hanging out crAape and instructing its friends to gather round and say what a pity it all is."

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"Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse."
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"Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman."
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"Excuse me, I must go and putt."
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"At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies."
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"There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met."
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"Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag."
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"If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine."
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"When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff."
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"He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when!""
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"It is the bungled crime that brings remorse."
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