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"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."
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"Nothing's funny about someone who's successful."

"I remember nearly having a fit of the giggles during the reading because dear Daniel was SO respectful and serious and I was finding the whole situation funny because I was speaking to his profile."

"Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good."
Explore more quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.""
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