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Jerry Seinfeld

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

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"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

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Asa Don Brown

"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."

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Asa Don Brown

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

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Asa Don Brown

"I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny."

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Asa Don Brown

"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."

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Asa Don Brown

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

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Asa Don Brown

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"

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Asa Don Brown

"We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life."

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Asa Don Brown

"The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining."

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Asa Don Brown

"When I worked with Robin Williams, now there is improv! He is just as funny as you think he is. We did at least five or six takes of every scene, improvising every scene differently. He was a riot."

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Asa Don Brown

"You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't."

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"People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to."
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"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.""
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"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
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"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."
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"Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."
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"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
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"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."
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"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."
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