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"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it."
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"It's fine to have anal sex as long as you're not in high school."

"For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy."

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."
Explore more quotes by W. C. Fields


"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life."
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