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"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."
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"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
Author Name
Personal Development
"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
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Personal Development
"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating," said the Queen presently. "What would you like best to eat?""Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty," said Edmund."
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Personal Development
"Hey, guard! Ian hollered out loud. "Do you think we could get a bathroom break? The guard seemed to snicker as he pointed to the grass outside the cell. Eena smirked at how dead-on her thoughts had been after all. "Come on, Ian complained. "She can't do that, she's a girl. The soldier smiled wryly, a shrug communicating his indifference. Eena laughed in her mind. (I don't know what you think's so funny. You're the one who's gotta pee.) Oddly enough, that fact just made her laugh even more."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU. She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on. 'Thank you. Er ... what is it?'ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT, BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED, said Death. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.'Oh ...' THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL, BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON. 'Ah...'IT WAS NOT AT ALL COOPERATIVE.'Really ...?'IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL."
Author Name
Personal Development
"WHAT FOR IS THIS BOX PADDED? IS IT TO BE SAT ON? CAN IT BE THAT IT IS CAT-FLAVOURED?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Laughter can deflate almost any problem down to its proper size."
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Personal Development
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"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Humor
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
Humor
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
Religion
"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
Humor
"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."
Computer
"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example."
Science
"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"
Society
"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."
Purpose
"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
Car
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
Business
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