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"Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity."
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"Torturing innocents, murdering civilians and destroying public property; they are all the gifts we have been given by religion."
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"Safaris through ancestral memories teach me many things. The patterns, ahhh, the patterns. Liberal bigots are the ones who trouble me the most. I distrust extremes. Scratch a conservative and you find someone who prefers the past over any future. Scratch a liberal and find a closet aristocrat. It's true! Liberal governments always develop into aristocracies. The bureaucracies betray the true intent of people who from such governments. Right from the first, the little people who formed the governments which promised to equalize the social burdens found themselves suddenly in the hands of bureaucratic aristocracies. Of course, all bureaucracies follow this pattern, but what a hypocrisy to find this even under a communized banner."
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"Miracles focused gospel teaches us to be selfish and egocentric."
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"Those who say that I am being punished are saying that god can't think of anything more vengeful than cancer for a heavy smoker."
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"Some lurid things have been said about me-that I am a racist, a hopeless alcoholic, a closet homosexual and so forth-that I leave to others to decide the truth of. I'd only point out, though, that if true these accusations must also have been true when I was still on the correct side, and that such shocking deformities didn't seem to count for so much then. Arguing with the Stalinist mentality for more than three decades now, and doing a bit of soapboxing and street-corner speaking on and off, has meant that it takes quite a lot to hurt my tender feelings, or bruise my milk-white skin."
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"Experience declares that man is the only animal which devours his own kind; for I can apply no milder term to the governments of Europe, and to the general prey of the rich on the poor."
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"We know of no spectacle more ridiculous-or more contemptible-than that of the religious reactionaries who dare to re-write the history of our republic. Or who try to do so. Is it possible that, in their vanity and stupidity, they suppose that they can erase the name of Thomas Jefferson and replace it with the name of some faith-based mediocrity whose name is already obscure? If so, we cheerfully resolve to mock them, and to give them the lie in their teeth."
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"We cause havoc to our society when we only preach miracles."
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"What a blessed thing it is that nature when she invented manufactured and patented her audiors contrived to make critics out of the chips that were left!"
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"All around us were people I had spent ten years avoiding--shapeless women in wool bathing suits, dull-eyed men with hairless legs and self-conscious laughs, all Americans, all fearsomely alike. These people should be kept at home, I thought; lock them in the basement of some goddamn Elks Club and keep them pacified with erotic movies; if they want a vacation, show them a foreign art film; and if they still aren't satisfied, send them into the wilderness and run them with vicious dogs."
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"Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
Happiness
"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."
Body
"What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country."
Nation
"Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope."
Hope
"Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay."
Life
"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."
Friendship
"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."
Wisdom
"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."
Power
"Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable."
Famous
"To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice."
Positive
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