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"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."
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"What we need now is a Treaty of the World not a Treaty of Rome."

"Now the identification of individual sounds by phonetic observation is an artificial way of proceeding."

"I don't lose my temper very often now, and if I do, it's well deserved."

"We have our own reasons for what's motivating us right now."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

"To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life."

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

"When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy."
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