"While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously."

Act, Comedy

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"While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously."

Exlpore more Act quotes

"Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Act,

"Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Act, Desire, Man, World

"Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night."

William Blake, English Poet

Act, Evening, Night, Sleep

"It's in the act of having to do things that you don't want to that you learn something about moving past the self. Past the ego."

bell hooks, American Critic

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"An affair wants to spill, to share its glory with the world. No act is so private it does not seek applause."

John Updike, American Novelist

Act, Applause, Glory, World

"Think before you act and act on what you believe."

Bo Bennett, American Businessman

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"The fact is that a man who wants to act virtuously in every way necessarily comes to grief among so many who are not virtuous."

Niccolo Machiavelli, Italian Writer

Act, Fact, Grief, Man

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Act, Quotation, Words

"In order to act, you must be somewhat insane. A reasonably sensible man is satisfied with thinking."

Georges Clemenceau, French Leader

Act, Man, Order, Thinking

"One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses."

Henry Miller, American Author

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Explore more quotes by Tim Allen

"Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive."

Men

"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."

Electricity

"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."

Women

"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison."

Men

"Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."

Trust

"Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything."

Men

"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."

Father

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."

Men

"While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously."

Act