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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you."
Authority
"Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked."
Trust
"You don't need to be smarter, you just need dumber friends."
Humor
"Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies."
Friendship
"It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood."
Honesty
"In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice."
Marriage
"There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls."
Humor
"Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass."
Consequences
"A wedding is no way to begin a marriage."
Time
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."
Irony
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