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"Philanthropist: a rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket."
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"Foulmouthed individuals seem to have their neuron systems replaced by colon structures, given that their terminology profusely consists of "sh*t and f*ck". ['Tolerance zero']"
"The walls, where there was room, were well decorated with calendars and posters showing bright, improbable girls with pumped-up breasts and no hips - blondes, brunettes and redheads, but always with this bust development, so that a visitor of another species might judge from the preoccupation of artist and audience that the seat of procreation lay in the mammaries. Alice Chicoy...who worked among the shining girls, was wide-hipped and sag-chested and she walked well back on her heels...She was not in the least jealous of the calendar girls and the Coca-Cola girls. She had never seen anyone like them, and she didn't think anyone ever had."
"There is nothing in the record of the past two years when both Houses of Congress have been controlled by the Republican Party which can lead any person to believe that those promises will be fulfilled in the future. They follow the Hitler line - no matter how big the lie, repeat it often enough and the masses will regard it as truth."
"Will liked to live so that no one could find fault with him, and to do that he had to live as nearly like other people as possible."
"Chomie' is South African homosexual men's unofficial name."
"It only too often yields to the temptation to become sycophantic, opportunist and lying, like a politician who sees the truth but wants to keep his place in popular favour."
"Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure."
"Women and foxes being weak are distinguished by superior tact."
"The secular world often finds its constituents disenfranchised and solitary as it has spent a great deal of time debating the religious community while failing to build a true community of its own."
Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce
"Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name."
"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
"Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure."
"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."
"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."
"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."
"GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism."
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