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"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
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"The confidence in another man's virtue is no light evidence of a man's own, and God willingly favors such a confidence."

"Reagan was all about America, and you talked about it. Obama is, 'We are above that now. We're not just parochial, we're not just chauvinistic, we're not just provincial. We stand for something.' I mean, in a way, Obama's standing above the country, above - above the world. He's sort of God. He's going to bring all different sides together."

"The reader becomes God, for all textual purposes. I see your eyes glazing over, so I'll hush."

"God is not an Almighty Being watching over life on earth. God is the Event Horizon of Human Consciousness."
Explore more quotes by Woody Allen

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."

"I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic."

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."

"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."

"Those modern analysts they charge so much! In my day for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables."
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