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"I hope you will excuse my being late. The person in this organization who gave me directions here has obviously heard me speak before."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
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"Good People bring out the good in other people."
Positivity
"Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money."
Truth
"A faithful husband is one whose alimony check is always on time."
Relationship
"John 1:5"Light shines into the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."
Spiritual
"Kindness is the ability to love people more than they deserve."
Love
"The tanned appearance of many New Englanders is not sunburn - it is rust."
Humor
"Faith is like electricity. You can't see it but you can see the light."
Faith
"A spoon does not know the taste of soup, nor a learned fool the taste of wisdom."
Wisdom
"The sky is so tragically beautiful. A graveyard of stars."
Nature
"The secret of patience ... to do something else in the meantime."
Inspirational
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