"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

Woman, Women, Fire, Ugly

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"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

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"Unless we include a job as part of every citizen's right to autonomy and personal fulfillment, women will continue to be vulnerable to someone else's idea of what need is."

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"If women have young children, they are one man away from welfare."

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Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Men

"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."

Men

"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."

Men

"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""

Car

"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."

Feet

"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."

Children

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

Husband

"I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them."

Care

"My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping."

Mother

"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."

Age