"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

Woman, Women, Fire, Ugly

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"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

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"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."

Samuel Richardson, English Novelist

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"Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!"

Eleanor Roosevelt, American First Lady

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"The three great problems of this century; the degradation of man in the proletariat, the subjection of women through hunger, the atrophy of the child by darkness."

Victor Hugo, French Author

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"The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness."

F. Scott Fitzgerald, American Author

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"Every casting director I've met is a woman."

Cameron Diaz, American Actress

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"Too often the great decisions are originated and given form in bodies made up wholly of men, or so completely dominated by them that whatever of special value women have to offer is shunted aside without expression."

Eleanor Roosevelt, American First Lady

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"If women were particular about men's characters, they would never get married at all."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

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"So women are at the beginning of building a language, and not all women are conscious of it."

Judy Chicago, American Artist

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"People of substance may sin without being exposed for their stolen pleasure; but servants and the poorer sort of women have seldom an opportunity of concealing a big belly, or at least the consequences of it."

Bernard de Mandeville, English Philosopher

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"There are some women whose pregnancy would make some sly bachelor smile."

Honore De Balzac, French Novelist

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Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."

Ballet

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Men

"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."

Men

"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"

Men

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."

Love

"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

Children

"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""

Car

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

Old

"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."

War

"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."

Mother