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Rita Rudner

"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

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"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

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Donna Grant

"Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor. Which is one very strong argument in favor of matrimony."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"You can find women who have never had an affair, but it is hard to find a woman who has had just one."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."

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Donna Grant

"In our society, the women who break down barriers are those who ignore limits."

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Donna Grant

"What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce."

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Donna Grant

"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths."

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Donna Grant

"I was never very interested in boys - and there were plenty of them - vying with one another to see how many famous women they would get into the hay."

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Rita Rudner
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

People

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Rita Rudner
"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

Life

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Rita Rudner
"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Marriage

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Rita Rudner
"My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping."

Mother

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Rita Rudner
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."

Age

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Rita Rudner
"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."

Time

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Rita Rudner
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

Old

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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Men

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Rita Rudner
"I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them."

Care

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Rita Rudner
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""

Car

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