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"The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs."
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"The more I read my Bible the more I veered away from the Jehovah's Witnesses."
"Someone recommended that I read the Bible, and it was then I discovered that I knew nothing about it."
"Anonymous sources are a practice of American journalism in the 20th and 21st century, a relatively recent practice. The literary tradition of anonymity goes back to the Bible."
"If you look at the Bible almost everything that was predicted, maybe everything, has come to pass."
"How can a rabbi not live with doubt? The Bible itself is a book of doubt."
"You know the Holy Spirit lives in you when you can defend the Holy Bible without fear or intimidation. John 14:1."
Explore more quotes by Bill Maher
"The real axis of evil in America is the genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people."
"First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a better term I would say that the feminine values are the values of america :Sensitivity is more important than Truth. Feeling are more important than Facts. Commitment is more important than Individuality. Children are more important than People. Safety is more important than Fun.I always hear women say 'Y'know married men live longer'. Yes. And an indoor cat also, lives longer."
"But females in even the most advanced Muslim countries are simply, by law, not the equal of men."
"New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids."
"New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, either; he's waiting for food to fall out of your mouth."
"New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my e-mail, and the next thing I know it's three days later, I'm in the desert, I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and somebody's pierced my dick."
"Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that."
"But what is it that drives haters crazy with rage? Many times, it's being ignored. To a person with pride, being ignored is often worse than out-and-out hate; it's that much more of an insult, that you're not even worth noticing."
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