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"The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs."
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"Ronald Reagan used to alarm other constituencies by speaking freely about the End Times foreshadowed in the Bible."
"I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right."
"Determining to read through your Bible is a decision only you can make."
"The Bible says that two cannot walk together unless they are agreed."
"You have to take Bible prophecy literally, just like everything else in the Bible."
"The more I read my Bible the more I veered away from the Jehovah's Witnesses."
Explore more quotes by Bill Maher
"We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly."
"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."
"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?"
"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."
"The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it."
"The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'"
"When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain."
"I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?"
"Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window."
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