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"I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level."
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"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."
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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
"A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice."
"I've been performing on stage since I was six years old."
Explore more quotes by Dana Carvey
"I couldn't do any of my other characters, you know? But I could have done the lady. Church Lady's Malibu Beach party is an idea I have for a movie, too. Yes."
"I have this dream life where I get to be a celebrity but I get to navigate the world fairly easily because I'm always in character."
"This movie will actually increase the sex life of parents everywhere because they can put this on, with the 45 minutes of extras and they've got almost two hours to do whatever they've got to do while the kids watch the movie."
"We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know?"
"I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written."
"It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh."
"I recently found out about this other super movie star. He only works from about 11:00 to 4:00, so all his movies take like 120 days. But this was a lot of stuff to do in 35 days."
"I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gore was sort of like a gay Gomer Pyle."
"That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50."
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