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Fred Allen

"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done."

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"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done."

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Donna Grant

"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."

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"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."

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"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

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Donna Grant

"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."

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Donna Grant

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."

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Donna Grant

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

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Donna Grant

"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."

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Donna Grant

"Some people break promises for the pleasure of breaking them."

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Donna Grant

"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."

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Donna Grant

"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."

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Fred Allen
"The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed."
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Fred Allen
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
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Fred Allen
"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement."
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Fred Allen
"Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great."
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Fred Allen
"I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement."
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Fred Allen
"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."
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Fred Allen
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
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Fred Allen
"I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin."
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Fred Allen
"The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion."
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Fred Allen
"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."
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